corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize