Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
