dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
