did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize