I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
