You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
