watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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