No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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