yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
