Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
