the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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