I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
