THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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