who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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