he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
