so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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