I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize