Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
