bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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