Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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