How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i barfeds in our rink
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
