Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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