So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
