I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
