I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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