and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize