So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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