He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
