Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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