It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
