one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Terrible idea I love it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
