What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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