First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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