I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
