new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
