Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
