anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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