His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
