nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
