if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
