If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
