Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
