Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
