Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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