so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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