should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
