I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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