does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
