those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
tell me about the eggs
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
