I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
