I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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