Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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