how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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