Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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