There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
