I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i jhust puked up my retainher.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
