the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
