you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
