Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
