I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize