He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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