That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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