I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize