Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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