She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
