i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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