found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
