I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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