If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
