Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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