Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Fuck appropriateness.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
